Not Letting Go
by Therescuesfromboston
Summary: Jane is talking to her nephew while trying to get him to sleep and end up telling a bit more than she expected. What happens when Maura listens to her through the baby monitor. One-Shot. I know this have been done and I hate me more then you guys do.


**Disclaimer: Don't own a thing.**

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"Maura, it's your turn." Jane turned to her side, eyes closed, and gave a gentle bump on her friend's shoulder. It had been six months since Lydia had left little Chris on Maura's doorstep and ever since then Jane had been sleeping in Maura's bed. She first started sleeping on the couch but after several nights Maura noticed how uncomfortable she was and insisted for Jane to sleep in the bed with her. "Come on Maura, just get up please, I'm too tired!" As much as she hated to beg her best friend to wake up, she really was tired to go feed the baby but in the end they both were.

With a final groan she got up remembering that this was her responsibility now. She started to swear at herself for taking so long to get to the baby's room. He had been crying for almost five minutes. When she reached the crib, she noticed the baby already had his arms in the air moving his tiny fists around. He had just stopped crying as always when he saw Jane or Maura. She picks him up with the sweetest smile she could give and places him carefully on her lap.

"Hi Chris, how are you?" Not that she was really expecting an answer from a six months old kid but she liked talking to him. "I'm sorry for taking so long sweetie." She said heading to the kitchen. In the first few weeks Maura and I had created a routine, it would be one of us at night picking up the baby. After preparing the formula in the kitchen, little Christopher would drink the whole bottle and then go right back to sleep. Tonight however, he was fully awake so Jane decided to hold him for a while. He wouldn't fall asleep so she sat on the rocking chair rocking gently back and forth but he still wouldn't go back to sleep.

"What's happening baby boy, you can't sleep?" She said sweetly at the smiling baby in her lap. "You were hoping Maura would pick you up weren't you?" She said jokingly and he blinked so she took that as a yes. "Yeah, well so did I but Maura is a sleepy head so I think that from now on I'm the one picking you, what do you think of that? "She had to laugh when she noticed the terrified look on his face. "Oh, I'm just kidding kiddo, I'll make sure that she is the one picking you up tomorrow but you know when we move with grandma to the new house Maura won't be able to pick you up in the middle of the night, it will be just me and you." He stared at her with his eyes wide open and she let out a breath. "I know sweetie. I wish she could stay with us too but that ain't gonna happen because Maura has a life of her own and she just can't play family with us for the rest of her life so we just have to let it go okay?" Jane gives him a kiss on his forehead and pulls him further into her lap. "I know you understand. And think about it this way, when you grow up it will be like you kind of have two homes because I'm sure she won't mind you visiting her all the time. And she will help you with your homework because as you know she is super smart and when she has children on her own it will be amazing. You can all play together and have sleepovers all the time and maybe even go to Red Sox games together. I'm sure she will have a beautiful family you know. I mean, we kind of are her family now but she will get married some day and maybe buy a bigger house… And we will be very happy for her because she will be happy and we will be happy as well on her own because we have each other. Isn't that right Chris?" He has been getting calmer so she took it as a good sign and continued. "Can I tell you a big secret Chris?" She stroked his soft cheeks before continuing. "When I held you for the first time I felt safe for the first time and then when I found out that I would be the one taking care of you I thought to myself _I think we can be happy from now one: me, Christopher and Maura_but then I remembered that there is no me and Maura. It's just me and you and for the first time in a long time I've cried and I never cry you know. But I did, because I know that she will be there for me but not with me and that hurts a lot deep down." She could feel the tears burning in her eyes. "And now I'm crying again because I'm saying it out loud. I never do this Chris, I never cry about my feelings. I probably won't do it ever again but the truth is that I am. I only wish that I was brave enough to tell her how I really feel, you know? That I'm in love with her. That I love her, but I can't… I mean, I would but what if she doesn't feel the same way about me? If the only way to be with her is being her best friend so be it. Because having Maura Isles as my best friend is better than not having Maura Isles at all." She noticed that Christopher fell asleep so she got up slowly and puts the sleeping baby in his crib and went to turn off the light next to the crib. She closes the door very carefully like every night so that Christopher doesn't wake up to the sound of Bass walking around the house and turns to go back to bed only to find a very awake Maura Isles staring back at her. She immediately notices the tears that fall freely down Maura's face. Jane starts to panic on the inside not knowing what to think or what to do. She starts to think about all the possible scenarios Maura could be thinking and she can't find the ability to speak so they just stare at each other for what feels like an eternity. When Maura let out a loud sob Jane decided to break the silence between them.

"Did you hear me?" She managed to say quietly.

Maura only nodded, she wanted to scream so many things at Jane but she couldn't talk.

"I'm sorry. I will just go and… Maura I'm sorry. I didn't mean to put you in this position and I don't know exactly what you heard but I know you don't feel the same way about me, I'II just go and I can come back tomorrow really early to pick up my stuff. The house is almost ready, I'm sure me and Chris will be fine in Frankie's house for a couple of nights. I'm sorry, you don't really care. I'm really, really sorry Maura." When she stopped talking she was looking everywhere but Maura, she only noticed that Maura came closer when she felt both of Maura's hands on the side of her face and she immediately locked her eyes with the smaller women.

"Stop talking Jane." Maura leaned closer and Jane felt her body tense up.

"Maura, what are you doing?"

"Stop talking Jane, because I want to try something and I can't do it if you keep talking, okay?" Maura managed to say between quiet sobs. She closed the distance once more keeping their lips only inches apart.

Jane cups Maura's face with both hands and pulls back just enough to look into Maura's hazel eyes.

"You can't come any closer." Jane says with a low voice. It was almost like she said it to herself. She noticed the confusion in Maura expression and continued a bit louder this time. "You can't come any closer because if you do I'm not letting you go Maur." And with that Maura closes the distance between them for the most caring and loving kiss she had ever experienced in her life.

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_Thank you so much to PinkGrrl that helped me alot with all my previous mistakes and future ones._

_Reviews? :)_


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